Body Confidence… where you go?!

I’m writing this watching the first episode of ‘Naked Beach’ on all 4. Catching up after the advert piqued my interest during an episode of Brooklyn 99. I like the premise… I’m all for body confidence. Whatever your size or shape rock it. Love it.

BUT…

I have a very fragile and volatile love/hate relationship with my current body. The post partum reality, the breastfeeding boobs… its been a rocky 20odd months.

Before I met Derek I had been on a journey. A weight loss one. With Slimming World and exercise I lost nearly 5stone. I had amazing legs, the beginnings of a toned stomach and an alright bum (squats were life!). I felt good. I looked good. I could wear what I wanted.

Met Derek and went a bit AWOL in the early love bubble. Dinner dates and movie nights with all the snacks. However, I didnt pile on the pounds too much… I still felt good. I still felt good on our wedding day where I was 2stone heavier than I had been when we first met. I was in a good place. Then I found out I was pregnant.

Pregnancy was great. I wasnt going to restrict myself… I was growing a life. I did what exercise I could with raging sciatica and big bump. Swimming and aqua natal yoga were the things I could do comfortably so was in the pool at least once a week and walked as much as I could.

Isaac arrived and I was left with the pp belly. No big issue. Started breastfeeding… all I had ever been told was it was great for losing weight. In the first 5weeks when Derek was on paternity leave I’d lost a stone of the 3 I’d put on. He was making dinners we’d prepped and making sure I was eating and watered while I got the feeding journey off to a flyer. Jings I was ravenous though. he went back to work and it all went a bit wrong. I was eating whatever I could when I could. The rest of the time I was stuck under Isaac not moving and watching a load of box sets. The stone I lost crept back on and then some! I was ok though… I was feeding my boy… right now was not the time to worry about losing weight.

I rejoined slimming world when he was weaning and dropped a chunk of feeds as the hunger had eased. I’ve lost a stone so far but jings its stop start and SLOOOOOW. I’m so impatient. That and getting the exercise in without losing out on time with Isaac outside work is hard to keep going. I hate feeling restricted but I hate what i see in the mirror at the moment so I’ll keep plodding on. Try and find that balance and shift this extra weight. My husband loves me regardless and I dont want my body issues rubbing off on Isaac so I’ll find that body confidence again somehow. I might just have to start getting up even earlier and going to the gym then… Im open to suggestions though cos you know… sleep.

My body has done some amazing things and I love it for that. Its just taking a bit of getting used to this new image…

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